Purpose. I think I’ve hated that word all my life. But I realized tonight that I’ve been setting it down in the context of “doing” and in the doing should be all sorts of evidence of how much I am getting it right. Family. Career. Goals achieved. Accolades received.
But tonight, through a little bit of tears and a knock on the heart, I realized that no matter what happens to me in this life, the one thing, the only thing I’ve ever really held onto with absolute faith is the conviction that I have a light inside of me that nothing in this world can expire.
Maybe that sounds a little cliche, a little sappy and while I am all of those things at times, the realization kind of took my breath. Wow, I whispered to myself. That is actually true. I’ve never stopped believing in who I really am. The totality of me that has nothing to do with this world.
Purpose.
Purpose is the reason for which something was created. The reason for which something exists. And if unyielding belief in the impossible beauty of my eternal light is my purpose in this incarnation, then I am so glad I finally realized it. Nothing has been in vain.
Why am I even thinking about this? A hard week. A hard life, frankly, if I’m being honest, and I refuse to no longer honor that because someone else out there could show me the real meaning of the word. But I also got lost in a show recently called From. I binged all three seasons in 5 days and the character of Father Khatri (I always fall for the Priest) said something that mesmerized me, marinated inside of me the past couple days and I just wanted to share it with you before I go:
“Chaos and faith, that is the duality of our existence, from the moment we first arrive in this world, in this life. From the moment we open our newborn eyes, we are faced with a chaos we cannot even begin to understand. And how do we respond? What is the very first sound we make? We cry out. We plead for answers, before we even have words to give voice to the questions. That’s how we begin our journey through this world – terrified, confused. And so, we search, and we strive, and we stumble through the chaos. We spend our lives looking for signs that somewhere, somehow there’s a meaning, a purpose to it all. And then, one day, we find our faith. Our faith that we are each here in this world, in this place, as part of God’s mysterious plan. In our faith, we understand the chaos is the meaning. It is in our struggle, in our search, that we find our purpose.”
-Father Khatri, From, Book 74-
1,373 days sober.
One damn day at a time.
All of my Love,
Sobriety Poet
Sobriety Poet 
Very profound and insightful.
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